{A}typical Day

Today's topic is a typical day in your life. You all would probably not get a kick out of seeing two hours in the car, an english muffin for dinner, and an embarrassingly early bed time.  So, since my life is much more exciting on weekends, I thought I'd share what a typical weekend day looks like for me. I've been living for the weekends lately, especially since I know I won't be able to soak up time at the Cape after July.

 My day usually begins by stopping by my favorite place to get a bagel and schmear {that has the most perfect little field behind it}...

 I then find a peaceful spot to enjoy my little breakfast and maybe a chapter of a book.

 After my tummy is full, I usually talk myself into driving around the side roads, stopping to visit the places I love...

And enjoy the little changes in the landscape as the Cape blooms into summertime. 

Sometimes you can find a deserted beach where you can watch from the beach with your Mother... 

...and as you watch the storms, you talk about life and inevitably end up laughing so hard you can't walk....

Until you realize the storm is actually right above you.

That's the cue to head home and enjoy the sound of raindrops and a little nap.

But the storms always clear, leaving time for one last evening walk where everything seems a little bit brighter {and greener}.

Happy List

Let me preface with my public apology for missing yesterday's post regarding...public apologies. Phew, I'm glad that's over. Killing two birds with one post ;)

Now what's really important: things that make {me} happy! :)

1. My family. They bring me unimaginable joy and unconditional love. They are always there the celebrate little successes and cheer me up when life throws a hardball.

2. Pepper dog. She's my little shadow and favorite cuddle buddy. She always knows when I could use a good snuggle. Plus she helps me with laundry.

3. My friends. Though most of them are far away, the phone calls and Skype sessions always leave me in a happier place. 

4. Snail mail. What's better than getting pretty cards that are nothing short of silly, loving and supportive from fantastic people? Nothing. Exactly.

5. Pictures. I may not always take the prettiest pictures, but I'm so glad I have snippets in time saved away. Looking back at pictures of places I adore and people I love always brings me joy.

6. Flowers. Fresh blooms will brighten any mood and bring a little bit of sunshine to a gloomy day.

7. Walks on the beach. I think salt air and toes in the sand is the best way to refocus and bring a little peace and calmness into a busy life.

8. Books. You can't always take off and have an adventure on a whim, so it's nice to get lost in another world for a few hours.

9. Prayer and meditation. Sometimes a little quiet time spent in reflection is just what I need to help ease my mind and concentrate on what's really important in life. 

10. Smiles. They are truly contagious, so I believe in spreading them as much as I can :)

The Anticipation of Missing

I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to share today. There are certainly times, people and places that I miss each and every day. But lately there's one thing that will get me choked up and often turns my commute each day into a tear fest: 
The anticipation of missing my family and my home.
You see, I found out a few months ago that I was offered a truly amazing new position with my company that will take me away from home in July. Away for up to two years. Away from my Mommy, Daddy, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins. Away from my beloved New England and Cape Cod. Away from my little Pepper doggie.
Away from all my loved ones.

This move was entirely my choice, and I truly 100% want to do it. I know it's the right thing to do, and I also know that it will bring me unimaginable opportunities, both professionally and personally. I'm onboard and ready to go, and I'm eagerly awaiting a month from now where I will find out where my first assignment will be. This is the kind of stuff I've dreamed of since I first entered college, wide-eyed and overwhelmed with possibility. There are days when I can't contain my excitement.
The one thing I hate about it is that I won't be able to go see my parent's whenever I want. Rough days can't be met with hugs from my parents and a glass of wine. Quiet nights at home won't be spent with Pepper cuddled up next to me. Weekends won't be full of walks on the beach with my mother, coffee runs with my brother and evening/early morning chats with my daddy while everyone else is asleep. 
I've already spent four years away from them across the country and eight months across an ocean. So we are used to the distance, Skpye dates and endless phone calls. So right now, I am soaking up as much family time as possible and making sure I don't take for granted the small and big moments alike that I get to spend with them. I know that though distance and time away is in our near future, I have their wholehearted support for everything I do. Even still, I miss them all already.  

Sales Pitch + Daffodils

Bubbly.

Curious & adventurous.

Devoted, strong-willed, & focused.

Determined, faithful, honest, & thoughtful.

 

{A field of daffodils that a sweet man planted as a tribute to his late wife. Brewster, Cape Cod}

Clam Chowder, Anyone?

Seven hours late, but I couldn't resist not sharing some embarrassment with all of you....
When I was younger, awkward {ha - let's face it, I'm still awkward}, and more sensitive to moments that could be perceived as embarrassing, I would have probably told you, in a very dramatic way, that my entire day was made up of embarrassing moments.
Today, a much wiser me {ahem} would tell you that I don't get embarrassed nearly as easily as I did in my former years. I've learned to embrace my personality, which inevitably leads to awkward moments. These days, I can usually laugh off anything embarrassing and never think twice about it. However, there are still some memories that are a little too mortifying that leave a mark on your mind. 
I wasn't really sure what to share, for I have many an embarrassing tale. I could tell you about a middle school memory when those cool snap-up pants of the early 2000s got caught on a hurdle during track practice and I forgot to bring shorts to wear underneath them {cue 8th grade football team laughter at my expense}. Or I could tell you about how I sat through a two hour meeting at work just the other day only to realize I had missed one of the buttons to my button-up dress.
But I think I'll share the most traumatic childhood memory I have with you that my friends and family still like to retell on a regular basis. These days, I get a good laugh at it, but for years I would turn bright red if anyone even mentioned it.
When I was a child, I hated seafood. Loathed it. Any critters from the beautiful ocean I played in were off limits to me. I think I can chalk this aversion up to the smell of the seafood counter at the grocery store. Even walking by it now is a little overwhelming for me.

 Though I hated the thought of eating seafood, I always looked forward to our summers at Cape Cod because it was the only place I could get clam chowder {Texas wasn't exactly known for this New England delicacy}. And I looooved clam chowder. I could eat if for every meal during the summer. I would even start to eat my Daddy's if I finished before him at dinner. I associated this meal with happiness and summers spent at the beach.
One fateful evening, I was enjoying a mug of chowda with my family and I made a comment about how chewy the ham in the clam chowder was today.
The ham. In the CLAM chowder.
My family looked at me blankly. What did she just say? I repeated myself, remarking about how I didn't like the ham in this chowder.
They burst out laughing. For a few minutes, they didn't have the heart to tell me, the hater of seafood, that I was eating clams. Then again, their uncontrollable laughter may have been the reason why I sat in puzzled silence. Finally, my mother said, "Sweetie, that's not ham. You're eating clam chowder. Those are clams."
Wait, what?! I'm eating seafood?! Idiot.
I immediately pushed away my bowl and maybe shed a tear or two at the fact that something I had been eating {and thoroughly enjoying} for years was something I vowed to hate. It scarred me...for about 10 years, to be precise. I didn't touch clam chowder from the age of 10 until I was 20. 
This tale is a legend in my family, and someone always brings it up at some point during the summer, especially when there is a new audience.  

A Sunset Moment

My favorite moments of the day are usually sunrises and sunsets. This was taken two weeks ago over the Bass River on Cape Cod. The water was unusually smooth except for the waves left by a little boat  out for an evening ride. Little moments of peace like this spent with your favorite people are unforgettable.

Chasing Dreams

Advice. Something I don't always feel qualified to dish out, though there are exceptions. The paradox that is being a young adult makes us think we are all-knowing today, though, usually, we know relatively little about the life that is to come. There are those that have been though hell and back by age 25. People have seen, gone through, and learned from more experiences {good and bad} than I could ever imagine. On the flip side, I may have had some experiences and lessons learned that others won't experience until later in life. I believe there is much to be gained from listening to the advice and anecdotes of others, though we might not always see eye to eye. 
So, dear readers, my piece of advice to you: 
Don't let yourself get in the way of your own dreams.

Pretty straightforward, right? Maybe, but not so easy to live. One thing I've learned is that I am in control of a majority of the situations I find myself in as I live my life. I wrote a few days ago about a change in attitude leading to a change in circumstances, which brings me back to my current subject. 
There are many influences in the world. Some are obvious invitations to a way of thinking or living. Others are more subtle and can bring you either back to yourself or far away from yourself in a short amount of time. There is constant noise in our world that can pull you in innumerable directions and leave you crumpled up like a worn out rag doll at the end of the day. Some will make you think you need to live a particular way to be happy. Maybe you need a man {or woman} in your life to find true happiness. Maybe you need more money. Maybe you can find a million different reasons why you shouldn't do something that your heart is calling you to do. Then comes the inner dialogue of excuses why you should or shouldn't do something. It's too hard. It's risky. I might loose a friendship. Is that the right choice for me? 
Bottom line: There will always be excuses. Always. But deep down, you know what your heart wants, though sometimes it can take a while to find it. 
I thought, for nearly seven years, that my life was on one path. I knew what I wanted in the long run, and I thought I could make it there with a few pit stops along the way. But as it turned out, I was on loose footing instead of firm ground. I was letting someone else dictate where my life was leading, and if I resisted, I felt an overwhelming guilt for disappointing someone I loved. I dreamed of big things and a life of adventure, and I wanted that other person in my life to want the same things that I did.
In the end, I was making excuses for why I wasn't pushing myself to my full potential. I was afraid to lose someone who was all too willing to leave me if I continued to live my dreams, so I hung on and tried to make these two worlds merge. I didn't want to feel as though I wasted seven years of my life on something that, in the end, was a big illusion. So I fell deeper and deeper into a world that I pretended made me happy but left me with a hollow feeling in my soul. I made every excuse in the book to my family and friends when they asked me to be accountable for the ignored dreams I was slowly leaving behind. I'll never forget the day I realized they were right {April 29, 2011 for the record}. I was getting in the way of my own ambition. I was putting aside the hopes and desires that I had since childhood for someone that wasn't thinking of my wellbeing. But was it all his fault? No, because I allowed him to do that to me. I didn't stand up for myself and gave in when I should have stood my ground.
So I changed. I changed my attitude. I stopped making excuses and I got the hell out of my own way. I started living again, and found a happiness that I'd forgotten about. It wasn't always easy chasing my dreams in the last few years, but once I figured out that I was my own worst enemy, I made a truce with myself so that my brain and my heart would never fight like that again.
So, friends, remember to get out of your way and let your heart guide you. It will lead you to incredible places that you never knew existed, I promise.