A Sunset Moment

My favorite moments of the day are usually sunrises and sunsets. This was taken two weeks ago over the Bass River on Cape Cod. The water was unusually smooth except for the waves left by a little boat  out for an evening ride. Little moments of peace like this spent with your favorite people are unforgettable.

Chasing Dreams

Advice. Something I don't always feel qualified to dish out, though there are exceptions. The paradox that is being a young adult makes us think we are all-knowing today, though, usually, we know relatively little about the life that is to come. There are those that have been though hell and back by age 25. People have seen, gone through, and learned from more experiences {good and bad} than I could ever imagine. On the flip side, I may have had some experiences and lessons learned that others won't experience until later in life. I believe there is much to be gained from listening to the advice and anecdotes of others, though we might not always see eye to eye. 
So, dear readers, my piece of advice to you: 
Don't let yourself get in the way of your own dreams.

Pretty straightforward, right? Maybe, but not so easy to live. One thing I've learned is that I am in control of a majority of the situations I find myself in as I live my life. I wrote a few days ago about a change in attitude leading to a change in circumstances, which brings me back to my current subject. 
There are many influences in the world. Some are obvious invitations to a way of thinking or living. Others are more subtle and can bring you either back to yourself or far away from yourself in a short amount of time. There is constant noise in our world that can pull you in innumerable directions and leave you crumpled up like a worn out rag doll at the end of the day. Some will make you think you need to live a particular way to be happy. Maybe you need a man {or woman} in your life to find true happiness. Maybe you need more money. Maybe you can find a million different reasons why you shouldn't do something that your heart is calling you to do. Then comes the inner dialogue of excuses why you should or shouldn't do something. It's too hard. It's risky. I might loose a friendship. Is that the right choice for me? 
Bottom line: There will always be excuses. Always. But deep down, you know what your heart wants, though sometimes it can take a while to find it. 
I thought, for nearly seven years, that my life was on one path. I knew what I wanted in the long run, and I thought I could make it there with a few pit stops along the way. But as it turned out, I was on loose footing instead of firm ground. I was letting someone else dictate where my life was leading, and if I resisted, I felt an overwhelming guilt for disappointing someone I loved. I dreamed of big things and a life of adventure, and I wanted that other person in my life to want the same things that I did.
In the end, I was making excuses for why I wasn't pushing myself to my full potential. I was afraid to lose someone who was all too willing to leave me if I continued to live my dreams, so I hung on and tried to make these two worlds merge. I didn't want to feel as though I wasted seven years of my life on something that, in the end, was a big illusion. So I fell deeper and deeper into a world that I pretended made me happy but left me with a hollow feeling in my soul. I made every excuse in the book to my family and friends when they asked me to be accountable for the ignored dreams I was slowly leaving behind. I'll never forget the day I realized they were right {April 29, 2011 for the record}. I was getting in the way of my own ambition. I was putting aside the hopes and desires that I had since childhood for someone that wasn't thinking of my wellbeing. But was it all his fault? No, because I allowed him to do that to me. I didn't stand up for myself and gave in when I should have stood my ground.
So I changed. I changed my attitude. I stopped making excuses and I got the hell out of my own way. I started living again, and found a happiness that I'd forgotten about. It wasn't always easy chasing my dreams in the last few years, but once I figured out that I was my own worst enemy, I made a truce with myself so that my brain and my heart would never fight like that again.
So, friends, remember to get out of your way and let your heart guide you. It will lead you to incredible places that you never knew existed, I promise.

Serious, Irrational and Silly

It is my belief that humans are full of fears that can often be broken into three categories: Serious, Irrational, and Silly. Some fears are easily justified. Others are quite insane. 
Serious: I'm terribly afraid of losing a member of my family. The idea of one of us being removed from our little family unit paralyzes me. My parents and brother have been my everything for 25 years. Though we have our ups and downs, good times and bad, we are perfectly imperfect. I can't imagine life another way. They are my constant in a life that has been always changing. This fear is a hard one for me to talk about because I can't quite articulate how completely terrified I am of this happening one day. No day is guaranteed, and with the tragedies that have hit close {literally and figuratively} to home lately, it makes me more aware and thankful for the gift of life and the cherished times with my loved ones. 
Irrational: Snakes. I get goosebumps even typing the word. When I was 10 or so, my parents couldn't even say the word "snake" in front of me. If there is a snake on TV I put my hands, blanket, pillow -anything(!)- over my eyes and make someone tell me when it's over. I honestly don't quite know how this phobia ever started. I think I can attribute part of it to nightmares when I was a child, but who knows? It was further developed when I was left behind in a snake house at the zoo in middle school {how I was ever talked into that particular building is beyond me}. As I was trying to navigate my way out with my hand shielding my eyes so I could only see the floor, I thought I reached the exit only to take my hand away and look up to sanding face to face with the largest freaking boa constrictor ever. I've never been the same since. Just kidding.
Silly: On a lighter note, I'm always afraid of having chapped lips. No one wants to be talking to someone who has dead skin flopping around their mouth. Nope. So I take precautions against this every day but applying Burt's Bees approximately three times an hour.
So there they are, the serious, the irrational, and the silly fears that fill my head. 

What do I do?

What do I do?
I love the twist to this question. It's my immediate reaction to start rambling about my career and where I  want to go in life {I've got my elevator speech on the tip of my tongue at any given moment}. But when I sit down and really think about who I am and what I enjoy and what makes me me, I have a lot of things to say that only friends and family know about.
I laugh.  Laughing and smiling are my favorite. I truly love being around people that make me laugh, giggle and chuckle. There is no better medicine for when times are rough. If there is laughter, there is usually something worth remembering. 
I read.  Books are my escape. Getting lost in a book is a magical thing. They keep my imagination active, and my brain is always thinking ahead and wondering what will happen next. I like to live my life this way anyway, so books are often my  "brain exercises" that start brewing creativity and dreams.
I love. My heart is so very full of love. For my wonderful parents. My "little" brother. My entire family makes my heart swell with happiness. I also love strangers. Their stories and lives often touch me in a profound way. Whether it's someone I meet in real life, someone I read about in the news, or someone who has shared a part of themselves in the blogging community, it can be easy to forge a connection {though it may be brief} that you will remember and draw upon for years to come. And though I haven't found the romantic love of my life yet, I love knowing that there is someone perfect for me out there. 
I cry. Happy crying, that is. Lately, I've been crying tears of joy at the drop of a hat. You'd think I was either entering adolescence or menopause. This last year has been transforming in so many ways, for me. I am always overwhelmed by the blessings in my life. Little things like honest blog posts and moving wedding vides have also been known to produce a tear or two of late. Also, the love and beauty of the teenagers I work with at church on weekends often bring my heart such joy, tears seem to be my only reaction. Happy tears are a good thing.
I photograph. Everything. Seriously. My family and friends laugh at me {I'm sure there are many in the blogging community that can relate}. I love capturing everyday moments, silly things, special occasions, a beautiful view etc.. Though I don't share all my photos in this space, I love having a physical reminder of happy memories.

{Taken at home one evening this past weekend. A perfect, quite night spent reading and dreaming.}

PDA {Public Display of Admiration}

So Jenni's prompt today is to express love and admiration for a blogging friend. I'd like to take this opportunity to gush over the bloggers, readers, and constant inspiration I find in the blog world each and every day. It's truly amazing how people from around the world can gather in the blog community and share their stories, photos and anecdotes that might be the inspiration, words of wisdom, or encouragement that someone needs. This community of writers, photographers and people living their lives and sharing their views is amazing. I love seeing the world though others' eyes, and this is the place where that will happen. Sometimes even dreams are born.

So without further ado, I'd like to share a couple of my favorite reads and the ladies behind them that make me smile, think, {sometimes shed a tear} with their lovely blogs:

Betsy from Betsy Transatlantically shares her re/expatriated life, transatlantic engagement and wedding planning, and life in DC. What I love most about Betsy's blog is the thought provoking, honest writing she does about life, love and faith among other things. She voices her views and beliefs so clearly and beautifully. I admire her strong voice and passion.

Jess at Foreign Room has a sweet blog that documents her adventures with her precious pup, Marley. She is also super creative and takes some seriously beautiful pictures. My favorites are the ones that capture the little moments in everyday life.

You probably already know about the gorgeous creation from Amanda that is Marshall's Abroad. If you want to be struck silly with beauty, run {or click very fast} over to her dreamy world. Amanda cooks the most beautiful, simple meals that leave your mouth watering, takes some stunning photos, and inspires me with her constant faith. 

So visit this seriously lovely ladies and prepare to be blown away with their many talents.

I hope you are having a beautiful weekend!

Wise Words from a Classy Lady

“You can often change your circumstances by changing your attitude."
-Elanor Roosevelt 

Elanor Roosevelt is a women I greatly admire. She exuded strength, determination, and courage in the face of adversity. These words have always inspired me when things aren't going exactly as planned. When situations aren't going your way, it's easy to find the negativity in many things that surround you. A slight change in attitude can turn your world around. I found this quote a few years ago, and it got me thinking when I needed a change in perspective.
Right after I graduated from college, I was stuck in a job that I didn't particularly like with a boss that would find any reason to pick me apart. She once told me she drove to our store {I worked in retail at the time} an hour away from her house and looked in the window to see if I was giving the store enough energy. She definitively concluded from her view through the 2 foot gap in the wall that I did not create enough energy. I concluded she had superpowers the likes of which Superman has never seen. This everyday routine paired with a relationship that was on its last leg after six years of togetherness, made me a little jaded towards life and where it had brought me. But only for a month {maybe two}. Because that negative situation brought out in me the determination and drive that had been inside me my entire life, but seemed to be dormant for a few months. The shift in attitude led me to a truly wonderful place.
But shifting my frustration and anger into positivity and desire to better my position in the world, I set out on a career-finding campaign that would utilize the degree that I had pursued so passionately. Six weeks after the beginning of the dream-job search, I was called to an interview with an amazing company. Another month later, and I was giving my notice to the woman with superhuman energy sensing, and skipping out of retail land forever. I've now been in my dream job for a year and a half, and I have a few other surreal opportunities in the works right now. I honestly don't think I would be where I am today if I hadn't shifted my attitude and perspective from the negative to the positive. It's amazing what you can do when you change your frame of mind.
So thanks to a wise woman who inspired a young woman a few generations later who was not quite lost but needed a little push in the right direction.  

Comfortably Uncomfortable

{Provincetown, Cape Cod}

Comfort zones. They're all relative. All different. No two are the same.

Everyone has something that makes us squirmish, anxiety-ridden, crazy people.

So let's talk about it.

Comfort, for me, is something that has been a work in progress for a long time. I went through a part of my life living very uncomfortably. This time is know as high school. Many of you can relate, I have no doubt.

I moved in the middle of high school from the great state of Texas back to my New England roots. I was excited for a new school and anxious to make new friends. Even though all this planning, nothing could have prepared me for the first interaction I had in my new school.

"Move, bitch. That's my seat."

Whoa. Excuse me? Oh crap, you are talking to me. Let me run as fast as I can to back corner of the room where no one can see me.

I went through the next year in a constant state of anxiety. I dreaded going to school in the morning because I didn't have anyone to talk to in the hallway before class, between class, at lunch etc. New Englanders, though usually pretty great people, are not known for the open warmth that embodies the southern hospitality that I was used to. I had never in my life had trouble making friends during the many moves I made from the ages of 4-15. In this new place I would hear the snarky comments other girls would make as I walked by, could see the looks of dislike I got when answering questions in class or trying to join a conversation. I was in a constant state of second-guessing myself, wondering what people would think of my every action. Comfort was something I only knew at home, at church, and the far too infrequent weekends I would get to spend with my long-distance friends.

The next three years at that high school gradually got better. I made a few friends and acquaintances that eased my discomfort of going to school a little bit. I started caring less about what people thought as I {slowly} matured and realized the superficial and temporary state of high school will be long-forgotten once I reached college. Every day became a little easier. I began to find the decisive confidence I knew I had deep down inside me somewhere.

I learned throughout those years, and later in college and even my first job, that there will aways be people trying to put you in a place to get you at a disadvantage, to make you feel weak and vulnerable. But, at the end of the day, who cares? 

Your comfort is defined by you alone. 

That can be a hard pill to swallow when it's natural for us a humans to crave acceptance and love. It's hard {darn hard} to always be yourself when you face a world of "social norms" and expectations of conformity. Others might not be as goofy as you. Some might think that outfit your wearing belongs in a circus. And there will be those that will never see eye-to-eye with you about anything. But that's OK. I promise. Because once you realize you like love the person you are, everything falls into place. Others can see your confidence and happiness; let's face it, people enjoy being around other happy people.

Finding my comfort zone didn't happen over night. It slowly came about as I began to grow into adulthood and realize all those quirky, weird, even possibly annoying things about me that had been the disgrace of my teenage years made me who I am today. And I like who I am today. There will always be moments of uncertainty in life, but even in those uncomfortable occasions, I'm comfortable and confident in myself.

This wasn't where I had originally intended to go with this post, but I was inspired by a few of my sweet teenagers in the high school youth program at my church who are going through a struggle to find their inner peace. I pray that they, and anyone else, struggling to find their comfort zone will be at peace.